True Shit

“Who if they committed a crime you would stop on a dime and do time for?”

This one line in a song has gotten me to think so much. I have always known the people I would die for. The people I would lay down my life to help and save. But I have realized that there are only a handful that I would commit a crime for. There are only a few that I would kill for. There is such a vast difference between giving my life for someone and taking a life for someone. I would not only be taking the life of someone else but I would be giving up my own. I could live with the “guilt” of taking a life. I would be fine with making that choice and living with my conscious. There are a few that I would sacrifice it all to ensure they make it. Not because I look down on them, or think they can’t handle it, but because I love them that much. I know who these people are and I don’t care if they would do the same. I would both give my life and take a life for them.

I don’t know why I still care for people I shouldn’t anymore.

Who am I trying to convince, myself or everyone else? I am done trying to be the good guy. There is no point in being the nice guy anymore. There is a reason that the majority of my past relationships are bitter towards me. There is a reason that they have a bad taste in their mouth. I am and always have been the bad guy. Someone has to take the fall.

There once was a time I was invincible. That was taken away from me by a selfish girl. Somebody turned me back into the superhero I once was. But unfortunately, every superhero has a weakness and mine has been discovered.

I am sick and tired of being dependent on company. I am annoyed at myself that I let myself become so used to being around people. I miss the side of me that could contently lay in bed and relax. I miss the side that didn’t need to go out with friends. I miss the side that didn’t need anyone else in the world. I suppose I am partially annoyed with myself because I use being around people as a crutch. I am tired of being dependent on social interaction. I wish I was still content staying in and playing games all night. I wish my life was as simple as it used to be. But I guess, “once you know something like that, you can’t unlearn it.”